I screwed up today. In my
National Review article (read here) on working for John McLaughlin (JM), I
was self-absorbed and to some degree self-aggrandizing. Here are the two issues.
First, as I infer in the
article, I emailed John McLaughlin via comments@Mclaughlin.com in April 2014.
The 4th of April 2014, to be precise. But I did not hear anything from JM until
John Roberts, John McLaughlin's longtime senior producer, reached out to me and
kindly advised me to apply for the Tony Blankley fellowship at the Steamboat
Institute. JM did indeed invite me to participate in the first show in late
July 2014 as I note in the article, but as I think more carefully and with
previously absent humility, it was very likely under John Roberts's (JR) advice
that he did so. Failing to note that JM invited me - without accounting for
JR's advice - was a serious omission. And one that I sincerely regret.
Second, in my National
Review article, and in regards to my producer work for JM, I write ''The
producing involved writing introductions to each issue for every show.'' While
I had some role in every issue - at least on the day of production (Friday) -
and wrote the significant majority of issues for each show, two of JM's senior
producers, John Roberts and Alice Dunscomb (in 2014) also wrote issues. Not
explicitly clarifying that team effort was the consequence of my effort to give
a personal take on John McLaughlin. But it was also arrogant and representative
of un-serious self-scrutiny. I should have written ''The producing involve
writing introductions to most issues for every show. I consulted with JM's
senior producers John Roberts and Alice Dunscomb (in 2014) in these efforts,
and benefited from their tutelage.''
Regardless, the key issue
here is a serious one. The McLaughlin Group has always been a team enterprise
with a unique sense of companionship. That's why I referenced our Director,
Shelly Schwartz, and his crew in the NR article. But I failed to give enough
credit to John Roberts and to Alice. It was an omission born of oversight and
arrogance, but not malice. Still, it was a serious oversight and I regret it
very much. And I regret my mistake not simply for professional reasons. That
leads to the personal side of this concern.
When I applied for the Tony
Blankley fellowship in 2014, I did so with the support of JR. Let me be clear,
without JR, I would be a nobody. That fellowship - and the connections, support
(including monetary), camaraderie that it brought, were instrumental
in my ability to continue working as a journalist. Without that
fellowship, I would likely be working as a waiter. Nothing wrong with that. But
waitering is not my dream, writing in assertion of conservatism is.
But JR and his wife, Elizabeth, have been more than mentors to me. They have
been friends. Friends who took me and my mother to a Mexican restaurant at the
end of the 2014 Steamboat Institute summit. And friends who have guided (and
argued... trade!) with me in order to help me develop. I let them down today.
And I regret it deeply. I also - in equal measure - regret my arrogance in
failing to look in the mirror before I wrote my article on JM.
If there is one positive in
all this, it is this. Today's failure, like my positive formative experience in
joining the McLaughlin Group, has been exceptionally formative. Going forwards,
I will judge myself more harshly in what I write. When I retire/die, I want my
legacy to be one of integrity and honesty. That's what Tony Blankley would want. That's what John McLaughlin would want. And that's what I want.